I Will Be Like Dr. Phil, But With More Hair and People Will Like Me

So I have been poking around the internet in search of fitness blogs that I would enjoy reading. Mizfit is great, (hello!) but she is the only one I can find that I myself would (and do) read, and if I, a personal trainer, find other fitness blogs a self-righteous snoozefest, Im sure you all do, too.
 
I think my main qualm is that everything is too calculated. Its anything you can pick up in a magazine and read, and everything is broken down into minutes, heart rates, incline, reps, sets, calories, ad naseum. I think the fitness community is too elitist. Those that are knowledgable and have that information to offer seem to be more interested in showing the reader that working out is hard, and since they are so buff, they work out harder than you. If you are not working out as hard as them, you are weak, get out of here. Be intimidated by me because all of this information is confusing to you, but I am writing about it like its nothing because I am smarter than you, there for you do not deserve to be fit. Run away, puny weakling.
 
Or they just know how to cut and paste.
 
Our job is to take this information that admittedly is a bit confusing and involves a lot of variables, and break it down into just what you guys need to know. In order to lose weight or gain the health benefits of exercise, you dont need to know your maximum training heart rate, your VO2max, or your “fat burning zone.”
 
I feel this is why people dont work out. They hear all of this information floating around, get confused and intimidated, and think they cant ever do it.  This is what leads them to quick fixes and easy tricks. The terms quick and easy insinuates that weightloss and fitness without gimmicks is hard, if not impossible, without them.  I dont think we in the fitness industry are making an effort to bridge this gap. 
 
Which leads me to my million dollar idea, because everything I do is in hopes of getting a million dollars. This is completely irresponsible journalism here, which is perfect because I am not a journalist, because I havent technically read the book, but I will write the fitness sister to Skinny Bitch. It will be called Shut Up and Move. Or just Shut Up.
 
I have some insider info: for all of you that are not athletes, and I mean college or pro, or for the younger readers, highschool athletes, you dont need to know your heart rate. You dont need to know what moves are going to bulk you up and how to avoid it. If you aren’t training to be a figure model or a weightlifter, women, you will not bulk. There’s just not enough testoterone in your lady body. You don’t need to know your fat burning heart rate zone. Stop making it harder than it needs to be: just move.
 
Move all day long. I do not pay any attention to my heart rate or my mileage for running, or any of that, and i consider myself a non-competitive athlete. I wear a pedometer everyday because I am a busy gal. If I can sneak in some movement a little throughout the day, it just adds a little boost to my workout at the end of the day.  I do not substract how many calories I burned from every day activity from my workout at the end of the day. This would instill doing the bare minimum all of the time. I keep track of nothing except how I feel. In the morning, I reset the pedometer with no thought of how many steps I did yesterday. I run to relieve stress, I weight train to be able to get through everyday activities with ease, I work out to improve my quality of life. Its as simple as that. I just want to live a long time to bother you all for as long as possible.
 
A good workout is one that makes you sweat and leaves you wanting more. You may hate it while you are doing it, but afterwards, if you can nod your head and say with certainty, that was a good workout, you’re there. People do this with food also: how many grams of fiber and protein do I need a day? That’s not your biggest problem right now. Just eat less or cut out the crap. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be. As you can eat intuitively, exercise intuitively.
 
You may scoff and say, “But wonderful all-knowing Kelly, you do not need to lose weight, so of course it is easy for you,” to which I would reply, “but, alas! While I do not need to lose weight, I create plans and routines for people that do all day long: this is my career. And I find that through instilling this principle of exercising to feel better, about your day, your body, or yourself, people stick with it longer and enjoy their workout.” I want everyone to get to the point where they look forward to their workout, and the only way people are going to do that is if the focus is off the numbers. They will follow, I promise, but only if you stick with it. The only way you will stick with it is if its fun and makes you feel good. 
 
And if you don’t have to think too much. Because at the end of the day, we are still Americans.

Tony Little cracks me up.