colleen left a comment yesterday that really resonated with me. she said:
I love the quote “be kinder than necessary because everyone is fighting some sort of battle†(I don’t know if that’s the exact words), but it’s something that sticks with me and helps me treat people more gently than I think I should. Thank you for sharing!
I know that there are certain things people have said to me that have stuck with me throughout my life.
Third grade, Hasson Heights Elementary School, Oil City, PA. I stole some kids swing and he called me “Big Nose.” Thats the day I realized i have a big nose. i spent years hating it from then on.(I really do, but I’m ok with it. Everyone is always like, “OH, its not that big.” but it is. and i dont care. its my face. cant change it.)
Sixth Grade, Midway Elementary School, Seattle, WA. My best friend and I stop some kids and ask them what room they are selling the otter pops in. One replies, “the detention room,” and the other one says, “they dont know where that is, they are the SMART KIDS.” Apparently being in the gifted program makes you immune to 6th grade detention. I guess they were right though, I didnt know where the room was. Reguardless, I was MORTIFIED and denounced my intellegence as to not be “different.” Which just meant i sulked for a while.
Freshman year, Highline High School, Seattle WA. My good friend, Andy, sees me at freshman orientation, after losing some weight, and says, “Oh My God, you are wasting away.” He meant it with concern and disgust, but for some reason I took it as “Kelly, people are noticing, lose more.”
Even though i look back on these, and they weren’t even really that bad, or meant the way i took them, they stuck with me to this day. So now,when I remember these situations, i go right back to my frame of mind then, instead of how the situation would make me feel now.
I tried to think of a situation where someone said something encouraging to me that I had remembered all these years, but couldnt think of anything. I know I have recieved tons of compliments over the years, but nothing that has stuck with me. I guess you remember the things that hurt more. Words pack a bigger punch than actions sometimes.
Which got me thinking that maybe i said something along the way, maybe in good fun or maybe maliciously, that has stuck with someone for all these years and it makes me feel awful. Maybe a harmless joke I cracked wasnt so harmless, or a snipey remark was taken as more than such.
Women have this weird obsession with putting other women down. Its some weird hostiliity and judgemental side where we have to be the best, or the smartest or the prettiest or the “right”est, and if we aren’t, then we are going to slam that woman for something else. Everyone has something they are dealing with, and you don’t what impact your words can have on someone else. Just be careful.