I guess I don’t totally know what I’m asking…I guess how you went about the recovery process? I really like your blog and think you’ve accomplished so much already at 23! I’m 22. Thanks Kelly!! ~Rachel

Thanks for your kind words- that means a lot!

The first thing you have to realize is that your binging and purging episodes have nothing to do with the amount of calories you eat- it has to do with the anxiety- and your anxiety causes you to binge and purge. The calories themselves aren’t triggering you, its the fact you are scared to eat that many. You have to deal with why you are scared, and why you get anxious when you eat more, which is probably because its a disruption to your food routine, which sends you into a tail spin.

Messing with calories to stop binging and purging is like treating the symptom instead of the disease.

What my counselor and I did first was find the level of calories at which I was comfortable eating first, and then compromised to a point where I was at least at an amount we could both be comfortable with (me to not gain weight, he so that I wouldn’t die) made sure i ate that, and then moved onto the binges. He checked my intake for the first 10 minutes, told me to up it about 200 every other week or so, and as we tackled my issues, those increases weren;t a big deal. Sometimes they were, which meant I was having a bad week- so it soom became glaring obvious to me that my fear of calories had to do with control- when I felt out of control I was scared to up them, but when I was doing good it was no big deal.

Moving your calories up and down isnt going to cure you. Ill say this a million times- it has nothing to do with food. Once you figure out why you feel the need to torture and punish yourself, and why you think that is going to make your life better, even though it obviously isnt since I have never ever met a happily well adjusted anorexic or bulimic or binge eater and I defy you to find me one, you wont feel the need to do it anymore. shifting your calories up or down a few hundred calories isnt going to fix anything- it will keep you nurished and alive- but is not the key to recovery. You have to tackle your issues, not your diet, for the bulimia to fade.

You are giving classic eating disorder talk, “I feel like it would be more beneficial to focus on reducing the binging first and then work on increasing calories sowly…” Is that really your motivation, or are you scared to gain weight? Whats the difference between eating 2000 calories and 1500 calories in terms of cutting back on binging? You are going to have to figure out how to stop binging either way, and if not eating 500 calories was the key, you would be recovered, correct? Those 500 calories are to make sure you live- not to stop you from binging. The binging and purging from the 500 calories is because you are scared, and to ever kick this, you have to not be scared- you have to realize that calories don’t mean shit, your weight doesn’ mean shit, and if you stuff yourself full of food and then vomit, no one is going to love you more than they do now, you will not be any more successful, happy, accomplished, beautiful or smart. You will just be angry, depressed, unhealthy, emaciated, and eventually dead. Get mad. This thing is sucking the life from you, and you are accepting it. Don’t blame 500 calories for your binges- its a bigger issue, and if you keep putting the blame on calories you are never going to find a happy relationship with food, and will never be able to move past the place you are in now.

I dont mean to sound harsh, but someone has to be- and Im talking about me and you towards this, not me being harsh to you. The tone comes from knowing exactly what you are going through and the attitude I had to get for me to be able to beat this. You aren’t to blame, chances are there are some situations, whether you are aware of them yet or not, that have affected the way you feel about yourself that probably werent under your control. Don’t let anyone ever dictate the way you feel- especially food. Psh- what is food? Its fuel for your body. What is weight? It is not a sign of how strong you are, or how much people admire you, or an indicator of how successful you will be. Its the amount of space you take up- who cares? You need to work on your relationship with you, and how you feel about yourself. Eat your 1500 calories, or 2000 calories, and you are going to be triggered to binge and purge no matter what (thats why he/she raised the calories, yes?) so focus on what is really causing you to binge and purge. Each time you get the urge try and figure out why- its not the calories. It might be the way the calories make you feel, the anxiety you get, you had a rough day, you are pissed and dont want to fight anymore- whatever it may be it has nothing to do with those 500 calories.

Who’s Coming to Costa Rica With Me???

GIVEAWAYS!

TWILIGHT T-SHIRTS! OMG! lol, Im giving away 10 Team Jacob and Team Edward shirts, so you odds are good!
Mix My Granola Giveaway!

Follow me on Twitter to keep up with my articles on other sites!

I’ve been following your blog for about a month now and I absolutely love it!

I’m in a huge rut right now and really need some help. About a year and a half ago, I made a conscious decision to get healthy and I went from my highest weight of 218 to my current weight of 180. Thus far, I’ve managed to do it all on my own and, while I still have a bit to go (my goal is 130; I’m 5’3 btw), I can honestly say that I’m very proud of myself. For the past year and a half, I’ve been able to find time to exercise for almost every day of the week. But things changed when Fall semester started in August(I’m a college sophomore). For the first time, I’m working while in school and my schedule is jam packed. I’m busy from the crack of dawn to nearly midnight on most days. I didn’t want to my schedule to be an excuse to not be active, so I’ve been trying to find ways to get “mini-workouts” through my day. I use my breaks in between classes to go walking. I usually take the stairs when going to class or my dorm room. When going from Point A to Point B, I try to take the longest route possible. While all of this has prevented me from gaining weight, I’m not losing weight either. I know I could lower my calorie intake (I’m currently eating anywhere between 1400 to 1600 calories), but I really don’t want to eat less to lose weight. How can I get more exercise into my day?

My problem doesn’t stop there (I told you I was in a HUGE rut). On weekends, I go home to spend time with family, do my laundry, and buy groceries for my dorm room. When I go home, my eating habits change completely. When I’m staying in my dorm, I eat plenty of fresh fruits and veggies and make sure I’m eating enough complex carbs, protein, and good fats. I’m even started to dabble with organic foods. But when I get home, I’m practically binging on nearly every over-processed food known to man. Cookies, bread, pastries. You name it and I’ve probably had about 20 servings of it in one seating. My parents know that I’m losing weight and they seem to support it. I’m not sure if it’s because of cultural differences (My parents are from Haiti and I’m their only US-born and raised child), but I’m having an incredibly hard time trying to convince them to change their eating habits. Food is a big deal in Haitian culture and, at least in my family, it’s a little disrespectful to not eat the food that is cooked in the house. My mom, in particular, is having a hard time understanding why I eat what I eat. Often times, she finds my preferences of food to be bland (which they are NOT) and dismisses them because they don’t taste as good as “Haitian food”. And when she tries to convince me to eating something that I know is unhealthy, like fried fish, she’d say things like “But it has protein!” It’s so frustrating because I’ve had a problem with binging my whole life and the things are in my family’s kitchen are the very things that I used to spend hours eating when I was little. How can I convince my parents to, at least, change their habits a little?

Sorry for the long-ish email!!

Marsha

Part One: Schedule

This one is hard. Most of the time, when people say they don;t have time to work out, its an excuse because they can make time to workout. I’m going to assume you aren’t exaggerating and that you really truly are that busy- for which, holy cow girl, you poor thing. first of DO NOT CUT DOWN ON YOUR CALORIES you aren’t eating very much as it is, and anything less will halt your progress even more.

So the first thing you need to do is see if there is anyway you can consolidate any of your activites- work and school you obviously have no control over, but are there random errands you do throughout the day that can all be done in one trip at the end of the week? Things you can put off until the weekend? Then, see if there is anything you can do while you workout. Study your textbook on the treadmill? Listen to lectures on your iPod while you walk or lift weights? I find I actually remember material better when I read it while working out- and its harder to get distracted. Next- since your weekend activites aren;t time sensitive, this is when you should be getting in your killer workouts. What you lack in frequency has to be made up with intensity, so find a gym, take some cardio and strength training classes, hire a personal trainer, something that will garantee you get your ass kicked.

Which leads to Part 2: Family

I don;t mean to sound critical, but you are an adult now and your parents have no control over you. This is something that it took me a LONG time to figure out, and actually had to have a counselor scream it in my face because I was always wracked with so much guilt over EVERYTHING when it came to them- even though, at the time, they were toxic for me (which is basically the stem of my past eating disorder and sounds like could be the root of your issues with binging.) Your parents actually sound quite nice, which trust me, even though they can seem overbearing, it could be WAY worse.

You parents raised you and from what I can tell they did a good job. You are responsible, hardworking and can take care of yourself. You do not need to change their habits in order to uphold your healthy ones. They actually sound pretty nice, and not too pressuring, although I know when they are your parents, its harder to stand up to them. Be polite, and just say no thank you. You are going to run into plenty of fituations where people are going to push food on you, and if you cant stand up to the people that love you and support you no matter what, you are going to have a tough time with the people that make fun of you, or roll their eyes.

Just say no. Politely. Say, “thanks mom, and I appreciate you making this food for me, but I’ve told you I am trying to take care of myself and eat better, so I am going to eat what I have prepared for myself.” Make it clear you arent trying to change them, so they shouldnt try and change you.

I’ve been through this. Not so much with unhealthy foods, but with life in general. If your parents are not healthy for you, and they do not help you make wise deicisons for yourself, or make you feel guilty- whether directly or indirectly, don’t see them as often. It didnt even occur to me that I could do that before, but my couselor taught me that you have to look out for number one, which is you, and if anyone, ANYONE, be it family friend or aquaintence, does anything that brings you down, or triggers you to make bad decisions you know you cant afford to make, remove yourself. And trust me, they learn quick. There were many times I would have to stop one of my parents mid sentyence during a visit and say “this situation is not good for me or my health right now and I need to leave. When you can remember to respect that, I’ll come back.” Do that a few times and those critical remarks, backhanded compliments and food pushes will stop quickly.

You need to take care of yourself. You are an adult and no one has control over your life but you. You need to make a change- both in your schedule if its running you ragged, and how you choose to spend your free time if its making you make bad decisions. That doesnt mean you cant see your family, but you may need to teach them that you are an adult and can control how you are treated.

Who’s Coming to Costa Rica With Me???

Food is weird. and the way our bodies respond to food is weird.

Your maintenance weight isn’t really the weight you decide you are happy at, and stop actively trying to lose. Your body has its own maintenance weight, usually referred to in magazines as “happy weight”, so your true maintenance weight is going to be a compromise of those two. 128 might not be the weight your body is naturally happy at.

That doesn’t mean that you have to weight more than that, because this is still a healthy weight, it just means you are going to have to work at it- guessing and checking and upping and lowering your intake- not drastically, but you are going to have to keep an eye on it to make sure you dont gain or lose weight.

Your “immediately gained” comment kinds of signals me that you went up a pound or two- anytime you change your routine, your body is going to react, and if you kept at the 1800, you would probably have gone right back down a day or two later. Rationally, adding a measly 100 calories can’t possibly cause you to gain fat, since one pound of fat equals 3500 calories.

If you are binging, I would be more likely to point the finger at that for any weight gain.

Binges dont have anything to do with hunger. Being hungry might spark one, but no one is truly hungry for 5000 calories worth of food (Im thinking this issue might be why you have a nutritionist?) I naturally eat a lower amount of food when I go by hunger instead of numbers, which is why I always have to do mental checks to see if I ate enough (and honestly, I think its fun when I haven’t had enough and get to have an extra intentional snack.) I think this is pretty much true for everyone. If you binge, its for a reason, and part of that reason is probably because you get hungry. When you allow yourself to get hungry, you are compelled to eat, like a normal person. But people with binging issues cant stop and continue to eat. You are hungry because you arent eating enough, but the reason you binge is something else entirely and to find the answer to that you are going to have to look at a lot of other factors besides food.

It sounds to me, and of course I can be wrong because I never get the full picture from these questions, like you have issues with food which is why you are so preoccupied with calories one day, but then can binge on over 5000 calories the next. My focus wouldnt be so much on maintaining your weight, it would be getting your eating under control, and coming to healthy place where it isn’t a constant struggle for you, and then you can safely manipulate your calories to worry about keeping a specific goal weight.

Don’t forget to sign up for the Costa Rica Health and Fitness Retreat!

Giveaways!

EAS Myoplex Strength Formula shakes (these things are good)
Bugalug hair accessories (random, I know- I write for a parenting site! and I guess you could wear them yourself? Come on- its free!)

-Amy Hansen

Amy- there are a few things to consider:

1) The Harris Benedict formula is to figure out how many calories you need to maintain your weight. In order to safely lose weight (about 1 pound a week) you want to subtract about 500 calories from that (500 calories equals 3,500 over a week: 3,500 calories are in a pound, so viola!) so in order to lose, you should be eating around 1,800-2,00 calories a day. Bleh, math.

2) 1,200- 1,500 is way too low. You aren’t going to drop weight if you don’t eat enough- which makes all that exercise you are doing a waste. I say it over and over, but if your body is starving, not matter how much you make it work, it isn’t going to burn calories, so you definately shouldnt be anywhere under 1,600, especially for the weight you are at.

3) Your body only needs a day in between to heal from strength training so you can split your strength training up a number of different ways. You can do full body each time, you can alternate upper and lower (which means one week you will do upper twice and one week you will do lower twice) or you can split it into random muscle groups, or you can do full body one day, then abs and core the next- it really doesnt matter. As long as you give your muscles one day of rest in between workouts (at least) you’ll be fine. Remember: We give our bodies too much credit. Weeks are a man-made thing, your body doesnt think in terms of weeks, so dont worry so much about being even. However, 2 times a week isnt bad, so don;t fret too much

4) Some good sites to check out for exercises are: Youtube.com (just type in the body part you want to work) PTontheNet.com (you have to search a bit for free stuff, but if you sign up for a membership- that’s what my work uses when we aren’t feeling creative), Workoutz.com. There are a million. Just search free workout videos and you’ll find anything you could ever want.

Are you coming to the Costa Rica Health and Fitness Retreat?

New Giveaways!

EAS Myoplex Strength Formula shakes (these things are good)
Bugalug hair accessories (random, I know- I write for a parenting site!)

Kelly,
I’m trying to gain weight after cutting down too far. I’m 5’4″ and around 110 pounds. I’m not clinically underweight, but my shoulders and back are way too bony. I’d like to gain around 5-10 pounds, but I’d want it to be muscle, not fat.
So, a few interrelated questions: How much should I eat so that I can get hypertrophy but not just be packing on weight? What is a good rate of increase (where I know that the gain is healthy)? How much does food quality count? I eat clean most of the time, but since I have a liiittle extra room right now, would eating a few extra Newman O’s derail my muscle goals? How hard do I need to be working out to grow muscle? I lift weights 3x a week, but should I leave the gym wanting to collapse, or just be fatigued? What do you recommend for cardio? I walk around my campus all day and jog to the gym and back (it’s a about a 1/4 mile each way), but other than that I’m not doing much…bad, I know. Do you find adding some cardio helps healthy gains, as long as it’s not creating a deficit?
Thank you!- Mimi

What refreshing question. Isnt it a shame that most of you probably have no idea what the answer to these questions are? Its because every fitness outlet assumes everyone wants to lose weight, which drives me nuts.

Im going to take this question by question so I dont miss anything.

How much should I eat so that I can get hypertrophy but not just be packing on weight?

First off: wow on using the word hypertrophy. You are going to need to eat a little bit more, but its just because you are going to have to work out HARD to gain muscle mass. Eat to support your activity level, which you can figure out here.

What is a good rate of increase (where I know that the gain is healthy)?

Its all going to depend on how hard you go at it. To make sure you are gaining weight, but that it is muscle, you are going to have to keep track of your weight and your body fat. Your body fat should stay the same as your weight goes up. Gaining muscle isnt dangerous to your health like losing weight can be, so there isnt a safe, or healthy time frame. You arent going to gain muscle too fast- its hard to do.

How much does food quality count? I eat clean most of the time, but since I have a liiittle extra room right now, would eating a few extra Newman O’s derail my muscle goals?

This is the fun part. The quality of the food you are consuming is important, but extras aren’t. What I mean is, you have to make sure you are eating all your needs: protein, carbs, veggies and fruits, low fat dairy and healthy fats. Since youare shredding your muscles you are going to need to factor that in when you think about protein- probably about 1 gram per kg of body weight, as opposed to the .8 the average exerciser needs. Beyond that, as long as you aren’t eating too many calories, you can indulge every once in a while. Its different from trying to lose weight, where you have to cut out all the extra crap, but if you hit all your food groups, and still need some calories, eat a cookie. Thats my philosophy on eating in general, though.

How hard do I need to be working out to grow muscle? I lift weights 3x a week, but should I leave the gym wanting to collapse, or just be fatigued?

ok here’s the nitty gritty stuff: heavy weights, lower reps. everyone gains muscle at a different rate, so I cant give you concrete numbers on weight and frequency, but when you are trying to gain muscle mass, you are going to have to lift harder. Instead of the 12-15 reps most people lift with, you are going to have to find a weight that maxes you at 6-8 reps, and actually maxes you to the point of failure (you literally cannot do another rep with good form.) Feeling like you want to collapse depends on your threshold, but in the beginning you are probably going to feel that way. You are probably going to find yourself moving through your routine a lot slower too because you are going to need time to recover between each set. I would recommend working each muscle group every other day, which means full body every other day or split workouts (upper and lower, or however you split them) every day. Thinks how hard body builders have to work out and how often: thats what you want to train like, you are just in the baby stages of it. When you lift for gains, you are going to be lifting heavy weights, so dont combine exercises (like lunges with bicep curls) because to have heavy enough weights to max your arms at 6-8 reps, you are going to need to hold a steady base (feet shoulder width apart, knees bent, or sitting on a bench) to protect yourself. I cant stress that enough- do only isolation exercises- or else you are going to injure yourself

I walk around my campus all day and jog to the gym and back (it’s a about a 1/4 mile each way), but other than that I’m not doing much…bad, I know. Do you find adding some cardio helps healthy gains, as long as it’s not creating a deficit?

Cardio is what is going to keep the fat weight off. Lifting to max yourself isn’t going to get the heart rate up (its till burns calories because the heavier you lift the harder your body works, and it needs more calories to repair itself, which is factored into the equation i linked to) or atleast, not for very long, so cardio will keep you lean, and plus, you still need all the cardio benefits. Luckily, since weight loss isnt an issue, you dont have to do very much- just the baseline for health: 30 minutes of moderate intensity most days of the week (4-6). Everyone needs to do this amount of cardio, just to keep yourself healthy. If it ends up creating a deficit, you need to eat more to counter act it.

Basically, to gain weight with muscle you have to lift heavy weights often, eat more because you are increasing the intensity of your workouts, be sure to get enough protein to repair your muscles, and keep doing cardio, but don’t create a deficit.

Im pretty sure there are going to be some follow up questions for this, so Mimi, and everyone, feel free to ask.